Boyfriend won't commit after ten years of being together, woman thinks it's time to move on: 'I’m putting my life on hold for someone who isn’t willing to take the steps needed to move forward'

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Mar 29, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

The invention of the situationship seems to be the downfall of our society as we know it. Sure, forms of the same "low-maintenance," anxiety-inducing relationship status have existed since the dawn of time, but it feels especially bleak that we've decided to put a name to it. Hasn't the wise mentor type in every dystopian story told us that giving it a name gives it power? Have we truly learned nothing?! Ugh. Where was I? Ah, yes. Situationship. 

A situationship is that sort of thing when you and the person you're seeing won't commit to each other or put a label on it, but you're definitely more than just friends. For some people, maybe this works for them. But 9 times out of 10, one person usually wants to change the relationship status, but they're bending to the will of the other person in fear that they'd lose them. Devastating and life-altering, to say the least.

One woman felt that the status of her decade-long relationship was never going to change, so she came to the internet for help. Do you think there's still something salvageable here, or is it just as simple as her partner is just not that into her?

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10474198016
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  • 02

    "AITA for Thinking About Leaving My Boyfriend of 10 Years Because He Won’t Leave His Mom’s House?"

    I'm a 35F, and my boyfriend is 42M. We've been together for almost 10 years, but I'm seriously considering ending things because he doesn't seem to have any plans to leave his mom's house or make any real changes in his life. I need some perspective because I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting my time, but I also don't want to be unfair to him.
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  • 03
    Here's the situation: We've been dating for nearly a decade, and for most of that time, we've lived in different cities. I've been the one traveling every weekend to stay at his family's place, which is in a tiny, smelly town he doesn't even like. He's been living with his mom this whole time, and while he's talked about us building a life together, it feels like there's no real progress.
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  • 04
    After the pan mic, he had a breakdown (which, to be fair, we all struggled during that time), but he's kind of stayed stuck in that rut. He used to go to therapy when he was younger and tried going back to the same therapist after the pan mic, but he said it didn't help. The problem is, his town is so small that there's only one good therapist, so he feels like he's out of options.
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  • 05
    His family is a whole other issue. They're always a mess, constantly demanding he help them with their problems, and he doesn't even get along with them. But he keeps jumping in to fix things for them, even though it clearly stresses him out.
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  • 06
    Meanwhile, he spends his free time playing RPGs with his friends every week, which is fine, but it feels like he's avoiding dealing with his own life (and another reason to not leaving).
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  • 07
    I live in a bigger city that's relatively close by, and I've suggested that he could split his time-work and do therapy here half the week and spend the other half in his hometown. But every time I bring it up, he just says it's "complicated" and doesn't really give me a clear reason why he can't.
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  • 08
    Financially, he's actually in a better position than I am. He has investments and owns some land, which isn't a fortune but is more than I have. He keeps talking about how he's going to win the lottery one day and then propose to me, but... come on. That's not a plan. I've tried to encourage
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  • 09
    a plan. I've tried to encourage him to move to a bigger city where there are more opportunities (like I did), but he says he can't because his clients are in his current town. At the
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  • 10
    are in his current town. At the same time, he's always complaining about how his business is struggling and how he's barely making ends meet. It's frustrating because it feels like he's stuck in a cycle of excuses.
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  • 11
    Recently, he bought a car, saying it would make our lives easier, but I don't see how that changes anything. It feels like he's making small gestures without addressing the bigger issues. I've been patient for years, but I'm starting to feel like I'm putting my life on hold for someone who isn't willing to take the steps needed to move forward.
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  • 12
    I don't even want him to marry me or whatever. I just want some privacy and he improving his own life to be happier. Living without planning the next steps makes all the efforts look meaningless, at least for me. Not planning anything brought us here in the first time so I think I deserve some planning for a change.
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  • 13
    TLDR; AITA for thinking about leaving him over this? I love him, but I'm tired of waiting for him to take control of his life.
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  • 14

    Everyone said that this woman deserved better than someone who couldn't commit.

    BM
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  • 15
    Girl, you're not looking for a boyfriend you're stuck waiting on a side quest NPC to finally trigger the main storyline. A decade is more than enough time to see if someone is gonna level up, and he's still farming excuses. Love isn't enough if you're the only one putting in the effort. You deserve a player two, not a passive background character.
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  • 16

    Glad to know we're all in this together.

    I would have thought this was fake, but my friend waited 13 years for her boyfriend to get his life. together and propose to her and guess what? Spoiler alert, he never did.
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  • 17
    It is called failure to launch. I tell ladies not to get involved with men who do not have their life in order, and who do not match them on life goals and ambition, because it doesn't get better. You will figure this out in the early weeks of dating someone if you ask the right questions.
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  • 18
    It sounds like you met him at a stage of your life where, being so much younger than he, you were kind of where he still is today. The difference was that you had plans to one day put into action, and then you did.
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  • 19
    He talks about it, but if he were more honest with you, in his heart he has no intention of moving up and out. If it is contingent on him winning the lottery, he is telling you the odds are nearly zero.
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  • 20
    I wonder if one main reason your finances are not as high as they could be despite your study and hustle is all the time, money, and effort you are putting into traveling back to that grimy little place he lives, just to accommodate him.
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  • 21

    Level Up, Queen!

    This relationship is holding you back. You can bless him but love yourself more and wish him well as you move on with what matters to you, and find someone who is on your level.
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  • 22
    Girl, you're not leaving him- you're just finally catching up to the fact that he left himself behind years ago. If he wanted to build a life with you, he would've started by now. You're not the bad guy for wanting more.
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boyfriend aita commitment reddit story relationships getting older reddit thread Reddit relationship drama
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